Days 1-4

i wish i could go back and start my blog on day 1. it just occurred to me today that instead of sitting here on Facebook and insta maybe i could blog about my boring day to day activities up here. and maybe (but not likely) people would want to read it. but first let me say, i am not a writer and i am every grammar police's worst nightmare. i don't care. these blogs are meant to be a journal for myself that i just happen to share with the rest of you. simms is my monkey and my twins are called mono/mono twins aka momo.

 day 1:
sunday morning came fast. i had nothing orange to wear that fit for game day and that totally pissed me off. orange jewelry it was! i told cal i wanted to stop and have my favorite brunch on the way up (the grill at highlands row) and then i'd be ready to check in at ut hospital for my inpatient stay. bawled my eyes out saying bye to bendel since i knew it would be a long time before i could see him again (although someone BETTER be sneaking him up to see me.) we met cal's family at the grill at 10:30 and got up to triage at about noon.

i was in triage for 4 hours for constant NST (non stress tests.) heres what it looks like..

the NST is to watch both babies heart rates and look for what they call "decels" aka big long dips in heart rate that would indicate the knots in the cords have gotten too tight. because they are still to small it is VERYYYYYY hard to keep them on the monitors and they constantly move and we are constantly chasing them. so many reasons to look forward to them being bigger. ha! theres also a monitor called a toco to check me for contractions. i also got this fun "just in case of emergency" iv line in triage. they told me they'll put in a new one ever 3-4 days. pretty lame thing to have.

simms was terrible and cal had to keep leaving with him and taking him places. he refused to let simms down or let him touch anything even though i said over and over "better get used to it, this is my home now." after 4 hours in triage i was wheeled up to my new room 411 on the 4th floor. because apparently once you're in the hospital, you are no longer allowed to walk (even though i could do cartwheels down the hall.) i was shocked to find a pretty good view of neyland stadium, a random horse field, the sunsphere, and an extremely weird building that is constantly spraying water inside of it. (see photo, and for the love, someone tell me what it is)

but the best news of all was that i had a mini fridge. when i asked doc hennessey if i would have one everyone laughed and said i wasn't going to a ritz. but somehow i ended up with one!! cal ended up having to leave so simms could nap and couldn't come back because of all the traffic from the game. it was pretty cool seeing the lights of neyland from my room. i thought i would be depressed about not being there but once the rain started, i was perfectly happy where i was. just wish i could've been with my little family :( i was a little too wired to sleep much the first night and they didn't finish my NST until close to midnight. then they woke me up at 2am for vitals and 4am for doppler (just a little sound machine to hear the babies heart beats)… i quickly learned this isn't going to be the restful place i thought it would be.

day 2:
labor day! kind of wild being in the hospital on the same day i was exactly a year before in labor with simms. the nurses explained to me that i would get NSTs 3 times a day for an hour (at 6am, 2pm, and 10pm), they check vitals every 2 hours and do dopplers every 4 hours. dopplers look like this and also just check their heart rates.

the nurse came in and used my "emergency" iv line to give me an antibiotic (ceftriaxone) and i asked why i was getting one and they told me in case i was to have an emergency c section… come to find out a few days later the resident doctor told me i had a UTI when i came in. how the heck do you have a uti and have no idea?! cal and simms came up twice and made the day go by fast. not too bad of a day!

day 3:
simms first birthday.

 the day i looked forward to since he was born and dreaded since i found out i would be inpatient. i woke up so incredibly sad. and pretty much stayed sad the whole day. i wanted to wake him up and sing happy birthday. i wanted us to go get birthday donuts and let him eat the whole thing. i wanted to spend the whole day doing his favorite things. dogs. swimming. eating. but instead i sat in this damn hospital bed crying. cal was so good about sending me pictures and videos the whole day to help me feel included. simms favorite word right now is "truck." he talks about them day and night. its one of the only things he will always say on command. so cal got him a camo truck from gander mountain that also had hunting dogs and a boat. sooo cute.

luckily today i had a doctor appt upstairs for an ultrasound to check the cords. sadly this was something to look forward to. haha. i actually put on my regular clothes and jewelry to get to go somewhere! as usual, they made my ride in a wheelchair. this is driving me absolutely insane. apparently its some sort of liability to let me walk. glad the hospitals are so good at encouraging healthy lifestyle. the good news was that baby b (who has been measuring two weeks behind) looked much bigger. the ultrasound tech could barely tell them apart and before it was so obvious.  they couldn't do a growth ultrasound because it hasn't been long enough since the last one but she did a quick measure of their bellies and baby b was only measuring a week behind! so that was great news. even better was the cord flow looked great! i left feeling really encouraged and they even said maybe they can get me to 32 or so weeks!

cals sweet ex-boss came by to see me! my first non family visitor! loved seeing her bright face and the cheer she brought to me on such a sad day. God uses her as a light FOR SURE. not long after she left cal got here with simms. i immediately start crying. it felt so good to hug that birthday boy. still can't believe he is one. those first few weeks with him felt like eternity and then all of the sudden HE'S ONE. my sweet aunt brought us up a birthday dinner and cupcakes to celebrate. as usual, simms demolished dinner and his cupcake.

he totally melted down after though because he was so exhausted from his big day with his dad. i reluctantly said goodbye and cried while they left. i thought about going through all his pictures from the day he was born and realized that'd be torture.

the nurses came in and said they had ambien for me since i had complained about sleeping. i felt like i won the lottery. someone knock me out and let me forget this shit day. except the night just got worse….
i went to read my devotional before bed. it was about job. probably exactly what i needed to hear… "what brought job to the recognition of his utter dependence upon the grace of God? it was the reminder that God is the sovereign creator of all things and that everything and everyone receives their strength from him. no one can demand anything from God, because no one has ever given anything to God that they have not first received from him." but just not in the mood to hear it. so i turn off rich kids of beverly hills and try to go to sleep...
but apparently i have a possessed devil bed. all the beds here will adjust pretty often for pressure points to keep you from getting bed sores. but last night after my ambien the bed wouldn't quit adjusting. like nonstop adjusting. i had to keep calling my nurse in and she would try and reset it. it would lock up. it was a disaster and this went on all night. i finally gave up and unplugged it and was stuck with the position it was in. did i mention they check my vitals at 12am, do the dopplers at 2am, check vitals again at 4am, resident doctor comes by at 5:30am, and then i get my first nst at 6am? did all this on ambien people. shitty. ass. night.
the end.

day 4:
our engagement anniversary!

now I'm caught up! and today is day 4. not gonna lie. today kinda sucked too. today was simms' first day with my aunt. she told me yesterday she'd bring him at 11:30 and he ended up taking a nap when they were going to come. this morning when food service called i asked for them to bring ice cream with my lunch so i could give it to him. i put it in the fridge and waited and waited on them. but they never came. cals old boss came by again and brought me slutty brownies (best thing of all time) and some chicken alfredo! she is awesome. she only failed by not bringing a never ending supply of the brownies. because thats just what i need while i sit in bed all day right?!

the lunch the hospital brought me tasted like a wet dog smells so i dumped it all out. thank goodness for an awesome best friend who brought me lennys (thanks hal!!) and haley and harper lynn came up too!! it was so fun seeing my friends and feeling pseudo-normal for an hour. i was doing my NST the whole time they were here though (it ended up taking almost 2.5 hours!!!!!!) so i couldn't get up or even sit up for that matter. haley and harper brought simms a birthday present that was a drum with a bunch of instruments you can store inside of it. sooo cute and perfect for me to have up here for when simms comes! this afternoon i went to get a snack out of my mini fridge and saw simms completely melted ice cream in the fridge and started to cry. i never got to give it to him. i just miss being a mom. ok done talking about this because its making me cry now.

my friend laura came by and brought magazines and cookies! she also happens to be the person that sold cal my engagement ring so it was ironic to see her today on the anniversary of our engagement! i am starting to feel so spoiled by everyone. i feel like athletes and such always say they're humbled when amazing things happen to them like winning the super bowl. but THIS is humbling. this place where i depend on everyone for everything. its very frustrating too because you feel so normal and yet your hands are tied. they won't even let me leave this hall. its like an actual prison.

cal and simms finally made it here tonight at 7:15ish. i was so excited to see them and simms came in saying "i doodoo" over and over. he actually had doodooed so i was cracking up. just a coincidence but  just what i needed to cheer me up. he looooved his toys from haley and harper. then of course it was getting to late for him and he started being nasty. he's starting some new thing where he slaps me in the face when i kiss him bye. then slapped cal when cal kissed me bye? one year old weirdness. praying for a bed that doesn't move on its own all night.