moving day

day 11:
so i have a hard time figuring out where last night ended and today began since i was on the NST monitors all night and all morning until noon. i slept here and there all night. the twins were no where near as bad as they can be for the NST, so for that, i was thankful. i was kept up for a while by some woman screaming in labor. i wanted to go running in her room and tell her that epidurals are sent from heaven. i couldn't wait until doc hennessey made his rounds because all the nurses were very encouraged by the 24 hour NST and everyone felt like i would go back to my room. well doc hennessey came by and brought good and bad news. bad news was he wants me permanently on labor and delivery because he said he still saw more variability than normal. he said the cords are obviously tighter than they have been and cords don't get looser. the good news was that i am not on continuous monitoring (for now) and he wants me doing a 4 hour NST in the morning (8am-12pm) and 4 hours at night (8pm-12am)… and he let me pick the times! this also means i will be able to sleep at night (for now.) the other good news is he is keeping me ad lib (for now) and i can walk around when i'm not on the monitors. also, bendel can still come up and they are working on getting me a mini fridge for this room.

i am coming to realize that nothing is permanent here. the minute i get comfortable with something, it changes. its a very very very hard place for me to be in because i despise change and am a huge control freak. two things that have gone out the window. i guess the only thing i can count on here, is change. so i am trying very hard to be thankful for the things that are good but after doc hennessey left, i sobbed and sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. i texted cal with all the news and asked if he could come move all my things downstairs and also begged for chickfila breakfast. i have been eating hospital breakfast everyday and really wanted to switch it up. especially today. he has such a servant heart and came as soon as he could with chickfila. he moved all my things down and didn't complain about any of it. i love him and he is my hero.

so my friend kimera swung by and brought my thumbprint cookies this morning!!! thank you so much!!!! and then my mom's best friend and basically my other mom, mary, brought mac and cheese for lunch. i am so thankful for all the food because so far on this floor they don't ask what you want to eat, they just bring it and I'm the pickiest eater alive. the list of things i hate is never ending. i also get the feeling that they don't really like it when i don't eat their food but i could be misinterpreting it. maybe they're afraid i won't get enough if i eat something else? i was a little mad at everyone because i knew mary would be up with my mac and cheese around lunch and they didn't want me off the monitor until noon. i had already been on 23 hours and didn't understand why i couldn't take a quick shower (for the first time in 36 hours) and be out of the bed for longer than a pee break. i told the nurse i was just going to unplug myself and get in the shower. i was nasty. i admit it. but i was done. i hit a wall. i can only take so much. i have had everything stripped from me. i mean even prisoners aren't strapped to their beds for that many hours at a time (laughing crying emoji) but it just ended up that with all the visitors i didn't get time to take myself off the monitors and shower so i ended up waiting until the appropriate time. i had fantasized about this shower for days and even though i knew it looked like this…..

it was going to feel like this:

(if you don't know me i totally over exaggerate EVERYTHING…i had just gotten really spoiled upstairs because that floor is only a year old and everything is brand new) heres the actual shower for those wondering. and usually women don't shower in this room because they deliver in this room and then get moved to mother and baby rooms. so theres not a need for some great shower. i just happened to be that one weird patient that will be here for a while…

soooo i go to take my shower and of course it couldn't go smoothly. i mean why would it!!!!!? the shower doesn't drain. so i take a super quick shower instead of a long one because i didn't want to overflow the bathroom with water. they had to call maintenance in and shopvac the water out and have been working on the drain ever since. but i don't even care. i feel like a million dollars after getting clean. i realized today that this no shower thing, it was my breaking point. i don't do dirty for long periods of time. i love to get dirty, i love to play outside, i like mucking stalls, and playing with dirt…..but i need my baths. twice a day. and since those are gone, i need my shower and apparently i am willing to turn into a crazy person and start unplugging stuff if i can't have it. i am very thankful that i can have them (for now)

other good news was that i haven't needed any insulin today. i guess the steroids are finally wearing off and they are going to quit taking my blood sugars soon. diabetics- i have a whole new appreciation for your strength and pain tolerance.

my mom and stepmom having been taking turns keeping simms this week while cals at work. my stepmom (debbie) has been sending me hilarious videos of simms all day and they have totally brightened my day. also a friend shared this on my wall this morning and i really needed to hear it:

yesterday was horrible. but i am grateful to be up and able to move around today without continuous monitoring. i pray i can continue to not have it. thanks for your prayers everyone today. i know i complain more than i should. several years ago i would've been thrilled with the idea of being pregnant, even if it came with inpatient stay. pregnancy didn't come easy back then and there was tons of heartache. its funny how soon you forget the pain of the past. looking forward to all this becoming a distant memory as well. hopefully i can also bring hope to women struggling with fertility and/or miscarriage because i've been there.

looking forward to dinner tonight. our awesome friend charlie peroulas is bringing us up some pizza palace! i pray for a uneventful evening. thanks again to all who have prayed for us today. my spirits are lifted and i have a second wind (for now)