labor and delivery

day 10:
today can suck it. and actually last night can too.

i have a little bit of built up anger from last night and today. just anger at the whole situation from last night until now. last night the babies were absolutely impossible to keep on. we spent over an hour looking for them and ended up calling in a second nurse and a resident to ultrasound me to try to find them. what was supposed to take 30 minutes, took 2 hours. it looked like this for me at midnight:

we finally ended up getting it done. it looked great. but then i was hit with the news that the team leader/charge nurse (who i lovvveee) went to boards and said that basically the other docs overruled doc hennessey and said i needed the emergency iv line back in. but because my nurse is the bomb.com she put it in a place i don't even notice or care about.

when i woke up this morning early, i thought about taking a shower but didn't. i haven't stopped regretting that ever since. i don't know why i haven't learned to take a shower after i wake up because it might be my only chance. but today burned me. ill never forget again. so anyway. my nurse came in to stick me on the monitor for my morning NST not too long after i woke up. about halfway through she and doc hennessey came in and said they didn't really liked the way it looked because baby a was having more variables than normal and baby b wasn't really having any. (baby a is the light black line doing the dips aka variables)

they told me i would go down to labor and delivery for continuous monitoring until the afternoon or so. i didn't think too much of it until my nurse said "we won't move all your stuff down there yet" WHAT?! why would you move my stuff out of my room!? i'm not having these babies yet am i???????

the room in l&d:

so down to floor 3 i come. after several hours i could already tell this was getting old FAST. luckily allison and miracle baby brooks came by and brought the best oatmeal chocolate chip cookies ever 

(thank you!!!!) she brought him up to see all his old nicu nurses. i love this kid. his strong parents. his amazing story. and the way God has used their miracle story in so many peoples lives (including my own).. you can find it here: brooks nation  he really gives me so so so much hope in having small babies. he was born at 33 weeks but only weighed a little more than a pound! he's an absolute rock start and turns one in november!

after they left, my mom, simms, and bff hallie came up. hallie brought another round of my favorite soup and salad from cherokee (thank you!!) but because i basically can't move a muscle when we actually have the babies on the monitor well so, i barely got to eat my lunch. i was so happy to see my little lovebug monkey though. he pointed at the horses outside the window here and said "horse" and i was super proud. he's getting to that place where he copies everything we do and i love it. the other night i was picking something off the ground and did a typical pregnancy grunt coming back up and he's been throwing his head way back and doing it ever since. he cracks up. 

my friend shawna and her little boy charlie also stopped by today! all the visitors helped pass the time. somewhat. it still feels like I'm in straight jacket though with these monitors. after everyone left i got my second dose of my round 2 of steroids (betamethasone.) its a fun little shot that feels like you just put lava into your upper butt with a needle. here we are this afternoon:

so. i had dinner. cal came up alone because i told him to since i can't hold simms or anything and it makes me sad. he brought me some mcdonalds because i have been craving it and never ever ever eat it. it wasn't as great as it has looked in the commercials lately. but better than hospital food. since i'm on the l&d floor and the have a slush puppy machine, i had one of those too. awesome healthy organic dinner. its the only way i eat. after i finished dinner the doctors made their rounds, which i had eagerly been awaiting since i thought they would let me go back to my room since the babies have looked "wonderful" according to the nurses all day, plus when doc hennessey rounded on me earlier he said that he thought they looked better than they did this morning. well they told me i have to stay here. all night. on continuous monitoring. which means people adjusting monitors ALL NIGHT LONG because the babies don't stay on. i was heartbroken and pissed. i miss my room and want to go back to my "regular" hospital life. it just doesn't make much sense to me since the babies haven't gotten worse. i guess they are just being extra cautious and i would be more grateful if i didn't want to be back to my room so bad. i mean i still haven't showered today. or brushed my teeth. I'm covered in two days worth of ultrasound gel. i just want to feel like me again. and change clothes. sorry to complain so much, but i am not happy today.

if that wasn't enough for one day, i have to get my blood sugars done after i eat and after i fast (sleep) for the 24 hours following steroid shots because it can raise your blood sugar and cause you to need insulin. yesterdays were all fine and i never needed any. but tonight. OF FUCKING COURSE I NEEDED INSULIN. blood sugar was 177 and i needed 6 units after my delightful little dinner. this sent me over the edge and i was sobbing to cal. he left not long after the fun shot to my belly and i sobbed while he left too. i don't even know what to ask people to pray for today. from what i know, the babies have done well. yet i am still down here. pray i don't need more insulin. pray the babies continue to be good. pray they last several more weeks. pray i never have to do continuous monitoring again. pray for my sanity. feeling very broken tonight.